Weird wake up call...

It's been a strange fucking morning. One of those completely out of the blue, throw you off, and feel like you have been reawaken in a drainage ditch covered in booze and urine kind of mornings. Maybe not that bad, or strange, but it still has me thrown off.

I remember early this morning while trying to get R's ass out of bed my best friend D, whom I haven't seen or nearly heard from since New Years, call R at like 7 am. That made him get out of bed pretty quick, and I ended up passing back out. I ended up getting out of bed around 1030, smoked a cigarette in the bedroom to try to wake up before attempting to walk down the stairs, as usual. I started down the stairs, and see Danielle there! For a moment I was so fucking happy! She came here! My best friend loves me! We shared a hug, and then that super happy feeling fled when I looked into her eyes. She asked me how she looked. I wanted to lie, but it came out as "You look... Eh... Okay." Which I guess was still a lie. Her eyes looked dead. We smoked a cigarette upstairs as I asked questions to try to catch up quickly since she had to head out soon after. I couldn't get much out of her. It's like she was trying to come up with only good things to say and avoiding anything bad.

I don't know what I'm trying to get at here. I want to help her so much. I miss my friend. She used to be everything good when the world sucked. But it looks like the world chewed her up and threw her out with the trash. She says she needs faith, and in most instances, I usually say fuck faith. But she does. She needs something to hold on to and to lift her up and keep her going in this fucked up world. I've been wanting to get back into energy work again, and think I might ask her to join me. It always gave me that extra hope and strength, and I know I could really use it as well.

::Sigh:: I just want her to be happy. And unfortunately, I have to go take care of myself. Because as much as I would like to put others first, since it's in my nature, I'm no good to anyone if I let myself and my own mental health slide. I just need to shake off this shitty feeling and try to have somewhat of a routine day.